Ever have one of those nights with that special lady when your pickle just won’t tickle?
Is the little guy sometimes a bit too shy?
If your master sergeant won’t soldier on, march on over to your pharmacist and order Phallaram.

Phallaram may cause bloody semen, blackballs, scrotal displacement, involuntary ejaculations, brain tremors, delayed toothache, spermicidal thoughts or actions, ear and eye sensibility and nasal calluses. Some users reported facial erections, acne mouth, painful or pleasant memories, testicular manslaughter, heightened follicular awareness, and douchebaggery. In rare instances patients may experience derring-do, civic unrest, abnormally fresh breath, increased miles per gallon, eye rot and sugar cookies.
Call your doctor immediately if you lose interest in your extremities or if your heart explodes. Report any numbness or tingling in the spleen or pancreas, as these could be signs of the apocalypse.
Avoid taking Phallaram with any prescribed necrotics or urine enhancers unless your doctor is unavailable; then all bets are off. Treat yourself!
When you want to get hard enough to split the atom, try Phallaram.
(includes unnatural ingredients)