Dear Mr. Falsehood,

Thank you for your order #2972.
Our records indicate that on 8/7/17 you placed the following order with us:

2 cases of snowmobiles
14 pounds of pitman arms
8 capes of strudel
3 weeks of chicken beef
28 sounds of potholes
1 sheet of elbow grease
4 times in a row
5 helmets of trophy soup
1 basket of buyer’s remorse
2 bowls of pasta farts
1 proper dismount
1 botch of srcewups

Unfortunately, the following items are out of stock:
1 good dog- May we substitute two quite decent cats or one bad dog and one excellent cat?
2 farmer’s tans- We have a surplus of driver’s arms. Many of our customers find them satisfactory.
4 winning smiles- Sorry, no substitute available.

Your total with shipping:


Based on your order history, may we suggest:
waterproof work shirts- now 70% fireproof!
stiff upper lips- just in time for spring!
Western European alarm clocks- available when in season.
scented ear plugs- why let your nose have all the fun?

Thank you again for your continued patronage.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me directly.

Alberta Canaday, ext 260