Dear Mr. Falsehood,

Thank you for your order #2972.
Our records indicate that on 8/7/17 you placed the following order with us:

2 cases of snowmobiles
14 pounds of pitman arms
8 capes of strudel
3 weeks of chicken beef
28 sounds of potholes
1 sheet of elbow grease
4 times in a row
5 helmets of trophy soup
1 basket of buyer’s remorse
2 bowls of pasta farts
1 proper dismount
1 botch of srcewups

Unfortunately, the following items are out of stock:
1 good dog- May we substitute two quite decent cats or one bad dog and one excellent cat?
2 farmer’s tans- We have a surplus of driver’s arms. Many of our customers find them satisfactory.
4 winning smiles- Sorry, no substitute available.

Your total with shipping:
$39,323.79

 

Based on your order history, may we suggest:
waterproof work shirts- now 70% fireproof!
stiff upper lips- just in time for spring!
Western European alarm clocks- available when in season.
scented ear plugs- why let your nose have all the fun?

Thank you again for your continued patronage.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me directly.

Alberta Canaday, ext 260
acanaday@rubbersandless.nut