One time I was driving to work and I had to shit so bad it was like an instant emergency but wherever I went I couldn’t pull over. I was looking for a dumpster to hide behind or just somewhere I could get out and squat. Like behind a bush even. The more I drove and tried to hold it the more it hurt and every time I pulled over there were kids or these old women and I knew if I started I wouldn’t be able to stop until it was over. It was that bad. And then I saw an alleyway and just stopped in the middle of the road, I figured they’d understand, they’re human, but as I got out and started making for the alley this beautiful young woman walked out and smiled at me so I had to turn back. I couldn’t shit in the alley where this hot chick just came out of. But when I got back in the car trying to squeeze shut again all of a sudden I had to pee really bad, and the spasm of pain from holding my crap in combined with the bladder stab made me burp up some bile I think ’cause it was disgusting when I re-swallowed it. I just barely pulled away and sideswiped a car before I crapped and pissed myself behind the wheel, doin’ about twenty on the shoulder of the road beside a church and a day care center but I don’t think anyone I know saw me. Then I went to work and washed up in the bathroom. I really should clean that car seat.