Dear Mr. Falsehood,

Thank you for your order #6527.
Our records indicate that on 12/30/2017 you placed the following order with us:

3 hours of gorilla paintings
18 stone of crotch grabs
5 trick knees
4 gallons of farmer’s apology
9 winter squalls
6 bootfulls of ear broth
1 timely handjob
33 kilos of Dutch relief
12 hanks of gerbil
15 local shark feet
2 sets of formal dumbbells (in polished nickel)
17 liters of pumpkin starch
4 rechargeable dog batteries

Unfortunately the following items are out of stock:
12 wise gendarmes- Recalled due to choking hazard.
5 buckets of opulence- May we substitute 5 pails of splendor?
1 black leather trunk of sorrows- Sorry, no substitute available.
1 eunuch massage- May we substitute 2 flirtatious eye exams?

Your total with shipping:

Based on your order history may we suggest:
Murphy’s horse pants- now available in satin and chino!
birch pillow cases- direct from Yugoslavia.
ice cream hats- pistachio and neapolitan only.
pea weevils- the Aussie Gympie!

Thank you again for your continued patronage.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me directly.

Uar Onecy, ext. 250