I am Kolya. I have please to visit your great country, the US of America. All people are surfing, or grow big green lawn.
Street here in city not like home. Here street is fill with people, beautiful woman is everywhere. At home no people. No beautiful womans. Only old, very old fat woman and much old skinny man. And no big lawn grass. Just dirt and snow ice. And yak poops. Very much the yak poops.
I have meet someone over internet. We chat much long. She sweet like mishka kosolapy. She say I hand some. I say what is some? Then we laugh. She have laugh like warm milk. Not like cold Russian.
Her name Shakeela. Beautiful dark black woman. African America. Very big round bosoms. Kolya like big bosoms! But not too big, right comrade? Too big like Mushka! Mushka very small very big tit woman in my country. Very sex woman. All men in town go sex with Mushka. She bad smelly.
I go Shakeela tomorrow. We make date. Make date with phone. Very smart phone. I buy from brown boy in street. Work good. At home we no have digiltal. Only phone made from yak hair. It only work in rainy day. Papa make build radio from vodka bottle and wire from lamp. Also he make tv from wood. It work but we burn for heat.
Your country have so many beach. So many place for shopping. So many food store.
And what food! Sandwiches made of ice cream. Here I have Irish Breakfast. Then Lunch for Italian. Supper is China! Everyday is eating the world. And the Macdonals! I hear so good the Macdonals! When you go America you eat the Macdonals. Always my uncle tell this to me. He not stop talking fast food. He break head in war. Come home broke head, all talking the fast food.
I have much question for comrade. What is glory hole? Is like church, da? Where is fat of land? What is nef licks? Everyone watch the nef licks on digiltal phone.
Where is good hospital? I need tooth doctor. Here in America you have good tooth. All mouth full of tooth. Back home no one have more than five tooth, only one little girl have five tooth, and that one is fall out. My tooth very bad, very dirty. Hurt when I smoke. I smoke cigar from the cuban. Also buy from brown boy in street.
I want go see New York Yankee playball. Sister Ludmila have A=rod picture back home. A=rod take the man juice, make big home run. He very bad boy!
Also the Micky mouse. Since I was little mal’chik I watch the Micky mouse and the white duck. They live in Disney Land. They look very small on tv. Much big in life. Man hug white duck face to face! Very big duck.
Russian duck very small. Fit in mouth.
Hotel so good. So clean. Much clean sheet, big bed. Only two or three cockroach. I save in pocket for snack.
You know good swimming hole? I want call booty. You have number?