Dear Mr. Falsehood,
Thank you for your order #3508.
Our records indicate that on 10/30/17 you placed the following order with us:
1 used storm ladder
5 cubits of Russian trampolines
7 bags of scorn
2 hectares of infant back braces
3 packages of window teeth
11 pallets of Cuban glue
2 cans of carpentry know-how
6 pant legs of sound advice
4 wage garnishments
16 armfulls of Amish rumor
1 farmer’s surprise
73 rubber boons
Unfortunately, the following items are out of stock:
3 gangrenous limbs- May we substitute 1 necrotic pancreas?
1 guilty conscience- May we substitute 4 pangs of regret?
2 half cottages- Sorry, no substitute available.
1 palsy- Sorry, no substitute available.
Your total with shipping:
Based on your order history may we suggest:
jungle socks- now 100% vegan!
frozen cigarettes- just in time for winter!
mannequin shorts- buy one get one.
rabbinical fireworks- praise Yahweh your way!
Thank you again for your continued patronage.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me directly.
Weal Wahns, ext 230